then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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