No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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