i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He told me they were just razor bumps!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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