so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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