When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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