no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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