This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
