if i can run in heels then i can drive
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize