I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
