she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
