Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
