my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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