you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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