Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
