Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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