i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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