she woke up with a sticky ear
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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