did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
