I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know her cup size but not her name....
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