Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
