Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
