So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
