Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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