All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
