Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
