Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
