Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize