He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
