the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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