JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
