I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I stole a fireplace last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i think i just lost a toe
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
