So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize