I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
