Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
