ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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