Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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