Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
