just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
