im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
