I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
this is an emotional support booty call
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