i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
