Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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