I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize