wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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