My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
