your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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