Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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