I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize