just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
