I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
the raccoons are back...
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