You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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