Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
