Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
