when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
