it wasn't lemon gatorade
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
and you fell through a lawn chair
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
