A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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