you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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