he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
