I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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