More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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