Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
