i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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