Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
