omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
