my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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