She is in my trunk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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