are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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