did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize