fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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