your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
