he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
