somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
