I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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