my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You are a genius and a whore.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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