Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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