Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
