ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize