either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
