Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
