So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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