I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
