I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
