foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
did you just send me my own nude
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
