New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
