Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
