I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have already put on my inside pants.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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