Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
