i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
