Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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